Lessons learned from holding on too tightly.

If I could use one word to describe the way I’ve been feeling lately, it would be discombobulated. It’s been two years since we were in full lockdown in the UK. Life has changed for us all and whether we know it or not, it’s affected us on a tissue level. The fear, anxiety and stress went deep because we had to brace ourselves and now we’re living with constant uncertainty from the virus, the economy, the climate and the war in Ukraine.

I didn’t realise until my back went into spasm, just how much I had been holding on; quite literally bracing myself. I leapt from one crisis to another - the pandemic, the death of my father in law, the stress of starting a new course, deadlines and learning difficulties, keeping my business afloat and family issues; it all led to my becoming dissociated from myself.

I had known I needed to put the breaks on. I needed to stop, recentre and ground myself. I needed to feel what was happening on the inside, but my course exams were looming and I kept saying “not yet.” So my body floored me! That’s how it works energetically. “Now you’re listening aren’t you,” it said.

It’s been a humbling experience, not least because I know that what I do (or rather, don’t do) affects others. As Brene Brown would put it, I’ve been doing my best. And as I type this, the little gremlin in the back of my mind just said, “Yes, but your best isn’t good enough is it?” My job now is to silence that gremlin with kindness and self compassion.

The tools I learnt studying Yoga Therapy for the Mind will help me. As I say to my clients who take the De-Stress your Mid-Life course, these tools are life long skills that we will return to over and over again. To be human is to be fallible. But the most important thing is that we learn from our mistakes. And my mistake was not prioritising self care.

So lessons learned are:

• Doing your best is good enough.

• Taking time every day for self care is not selfish, but invaluable.

• Celebrate every success, no matter how small.

• Ask for help when you need it.

• The boys are capable of looking after themselves, so let them!

I hope in some way, you resonate with some of this and find it useful to hear my story.

Cholesterol - friend or foe?

Have you been for your mid-life health check recently? Many women at this time of life are diagnosed with high cholesterol. There’s good reason for this and it’s important to understand why.

Cholesterol is manufactured in the liver. It is responsible for repairing damaged tissue. Steroid hormones such as oestrogen, progesterone and cortisol are derived from cholesterol. As oestrogen levels are lowering at mid-life, it is not unlikely that we will have raised levels of cholesterol which is more of a problem in conjunction with high blood pressure, diabetes, obesity or a genetic tendency to gain weight around the middle.

Cortisol is one of our stress hormones and its main role is to modulate inflammation. The body is unable to metabolise the amount of cortisol circulating when chronically stressed. Cortisol then becomes dysfunctional and the result is actually increased inflammation. Not only is cholesterol needed for greater cortisol production but also to repair any damage to the tissues as a result of inflammation.

Food intolerances are inflammatory and are common in women at mid-life. Arthritis and rheumatism are inflammatory conditions also. Higher levels of cholesterol is necessary for the body to derive cortisol whose role is to modulate inflammation in these circumstances. Remember that cortisol is our friend until it gets out of control.

Stress is often the root cause of dis-ease and disease and this certainly needs to be addressed. Downregulating an overactive nervous system and developing skills to manage stress can reduce cortisol and thereby lower cholesterol.

If like me, you prefer to find a natural solution before going down a medical road, consider whether there is a source of inflammation that could be the cause of high cholesterol. Address that and you may find your cholesterol levels lower. It is important to get them checked again to take a different course of action should it be sensible or necessary.

References:

https://www.uscjournal.com/articles/menopause-cholesterol-and-cardiovascular-disease-0#:~:text=Menopause%20is%20associated%20with%20a,%2Ddensity%20lipoprotein%20(HDL).

https://www.health.harvard.edu/heart-health/how-its-made-cholesterol-production-in-your-body

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4263906/#:~:text=Cortisol%20is%20a%20potent%20anti,survival%20and%20avoidance%20of%20danger.

An exercise in adaptability.

Our ability to adapt to different situations depends very much on the individual. Some of us have a sensitive nervous system that requires nurturing. Others are more robust. The condition of our nervous system is determined to a degree by how stressed our mother was when we were in vitro but is also down to the amount of trauma and stress we have experienced in our life.

When we encounter a stressor, every system in our body responds. In order to return to a state of equilibrium (homeostasis), the nervous and endocrine systems have to adapt. We can help our internal recovery along by building mental strength and flexibility. Having a better understanding of ourselves promotes adaptability.

Write a list of circumstances which make you feel uncomfortable such as confrontation, being in a crowded space, driving on the motorway, meeting new people etc... Nothing triggering. As you write each one down, pause and notice how you feel in your body. What are the sensations? Where are they felt? Notice and be curious. Try not to analyse or push them away.

Now visualise the same scenarios differently:

• Breathe deep down into your belly.

• See yourself with your shoulders rolled back, your chest open and your head straight.

• Clench your fists gently. Does that help you to feel more powerful? If it fuels anger, instead of pushing it away, notice where you feel it and how?

• Feel your feet on the ground and ‘root’ down.

• What other physical posture could you take?

• Make a positive affirmation such as, ‘I can do this’, or ‘I’ve got this.’

Write down how you feel. Check in with your mind, body and breath. You may find it helpful to practice this visualisation before every situation with which you are uncomfortable.

Low level stress actually helps us to adapt. Each time we cope with an uncomfortable situation, we feel empowered and become more resilient physiologically and mentally. To strengthen your ability to adapt:

• Step out of your comfort zone regularly.

• Notice, change and notice the change.

• Remember that thoughts are not facts.

• Never base your present fears on past experience; no two situations are the same.

• Be prepared to bend your own rules be more flexible; your way isn’t the only way.

• Acceptance empowers you.

• Do not allow failure to stop you. We learn from our mistakes.

Here are some other tools which you may find helpful:

• Slow down - taking life at a slower pace allows us be aware of our experience and to recuperate from the challenges.

• Keep a journal - writing down our feelings helps put things into perspective.

• Practice gratitude - the brain has a negativity bias so force yourself to recollect the positives.

• Spend time in nature regularly; it is proven to calm and ground us.

If you feel you need some support on your journey, I’m here to help. Why not book a Clarity Call and we can chat confidentially about how to take you forwards.

Can you be too self aware?

One of the best things about Yoga is becoming more self aware. But is it possible to become too self aware? Self awareness can sometimes be perceived as narcissism. I think there are levels of self awareness, with disassociation at one end and narcissism at the other. In the middle is a healthy balance. So how do you get there?

Disassociation is common when you have spent your life trying to avoid painful feelings; likely from a traumatic experience or chronic stress. The brain’s way of protecting you from the pain is to keep the body in freeze mode and prevent you from feeling. To move beyond this may require talking therapy but at some point we need to connect with the physical feelings in the body. The process can be slow and disquieting but with safety measures in place, the end result is knowing yourself, understanding what these feelings mean and being resourced with skills to manage overwhelm and restore homeostasis.

If we navigate this road mindfully, we can find that middle ground. We can recognise what the body and mind require before it becomes overwhelming and if it does (which it will; life has a way of throwing us a curve ball sometimes), we can learn to be with the experience, not to resist it.

We move into narcissism when we over analyse; spend too much time wondering why we experience one feeling or another and endlessly talking about it. It’s a bit like googling every symptom you have and believing you are ill; the modern form of hypochondria and it’s boring for everyone around you. I know, I’ve been there! And you might too if you’ve been mentally unwell. It’s part of the natural process of getting to know yourself again. The important thing is recognising when to back off and return to the middle ground.

The beauty of being self aware is in the wisdom of the body. When you stay present to your experience, the body will guide you. When I get on my mat, I let my body and my energy guide me to where it needs to go. With support, time and practice, you can too. It’s an amazing place to be and very rewarding too!