We teach best what we most need to learn

After a stressful year when life changed dramatically for my husband and I, we were lucky enough to enjoy a week in Burgundy, France. The location could not have been better for a nature lover like myself! In spite of being located on a main road, there was less traffic than the lane on which I live in Sussex.

The moment I stepped into the swimming pool and floated on my back, looking up at three stunning mature trees; lime, silver birch and ash, I felt my body soften. I have never heard so many nightingales nor seen such variety of wild flowers; not least in the garden itself which contained yarrow, poppies and unusually milk thistle among a variety of grasses. Cicadas sang day and night and we heard a persistent hum of insects.

I chose to use my phone for photos only. I did not look at a single email, Instagram post or WhatsApp message until the return flight at which point I immediately felt trepidatious. After just 3 days of being home I felt anxious and uneasy.

I don’t have phone notifications switched on for anything other than messages. If I want to engage with an App, it is my choice. I love my job as a Yoga teacher. My husband has got a new job. My children are happy.

So I have to ask myself, what on earth is going on? And the answer is; I cause myself unnecessary suffering by listening to the inner critic in my head.

A therapist once taught me that perfectionism is a choice. Well so is listening to your inner critic. Having just taught the De-Stress Your Midlife Course, I am reminded of the many helpful methods in which we can relinquish the cruel mind:

• Reframing the voice that tells me I’m never good enough:

  ‘My purpose is to help others. My intention is to be kind’.

• Recognising that the brain has a negativity bias and finding the positive:

  ‘I am always doing the best I can’.

• Noticing what the critical voice feels like (frequent adrenaline surges like fizzing from my stomach to my heart), acknowledging its presence, not pushing it away but soothing it with touch.

• Intentionally changing the way I am breathing to shift from stress to calm.

• Grounding myself.

• Making space.

• Adopting an attitude of acceptance (my brain processes slowly so I will take my time to ensure I get things right), non-judging (this is just my inner critic and not the reality) and letting go of the need to prove myself.

When I was studying Yoga Therapy for the Mind, a phrase that came up again and again was ‘this is a lifetime’s work.’ Too true and so is the saying, ‘you teach what you most need to learn’!