An exercise in adaptability.

Our ability to adapt to different situations depends very much on the individual. Some of us have a sensitive nervous system that requires nurturing. Others are more robust. The condition of our nervous system is determined to a degree by how stressed our mother was when we were in vitro but is also down to the amount of trauma and stress we have experienced in our life.

When we encounter a stressor, every system in our body responds. In order to return to a state of equilibrium (homeostasis), the nervous and endocrine systems have to adapt. We can help our internal recovery along by building mental strength and flexibility. Having a better understanding of ourselves promotes adaptability.

Write a list of circumstances which make you feel uncomfortable such as confrontation, being in a crowded space, driving on the motorway, meeting new people etc... Nothing triggering. As you write each one down, pause and notice how you feel in your body. What are the sensations? Where are they felt? Notice and be curious. Try not to analyse or push them away.

Now visualise the same scenarios differently:

• Breathe deep down into your belly.

• See yourself with your shoulders rolled back, your chest open and your head straight.

• Clench your fists gently. Does that help you to feel more powerful? If it fuels anger, instead of pushing it away, notice where you feel it and how?

• Feel your feet on the ground and ‘root’ down.

• What other physical posture could you take?

• Make a positive affirmation such as, ‘I can do this’, or ‘I’ve got this.’

Write down how you feel. Check in with your mind, body and breath. You may find it helpful to practice this visualisation before every situation with which you are uncomfortable.

Low level stress actually helps us to adapt. Each time we cope with an uncomfortable situation, we feel empowered and become more resilient physiologically and mentally. To strengthen your ability to adapt:

• Step out of your comfort zone regularly.

• Notice, change and notice the change.

• Remember that thoughts are not facts.

• Never base your present fears on past experience; no two situations are the same.

• Be prepared to bend your own rules be more flexible; your way isn’t the only way.

• Acceptance empowers you.

• Do not allow failure to stop you. We learn from our mistakes.

Here are some other tools which you may find helpful:

• Slow down - taking life at a slower pace allows us be aware of our experience and to recuperate from the challenges.

• Keep a journal - writing down our feelings helps put things into perspective.

• Practice gratitude - the brain has a negativity bias so force yourself to recollect the positives.

• Spend time in nature regularly; it is proven to calm and ground us.

If you feel you need some support on your journey, I’m here to help. Why not book a Clarity Call and we can chat confidentially about how to take you forwards.

Can you be too self aware?

One of the best things about Yoga is becoming more self aware. But is it possible to become too self aware? Self awareness can sometimes be perceived as narcissism. I think there are levels of self awareness, with disassociation at one end and narcissism at the other. In the middle is a healthy balance. So how do you get there?

Disassociation is common when you have spent your life trying to avoid painful feelings; likely from a traumatic experience or chronic stress. The brain’s way of protecting you from the pain is to keep the body in freeze mode and prevent you from feeling. To move beyond this may require talking therapy but at some point we need to connect with the physical feelings in the body. The process can be slow and disquieting but with safety measures in place, the end result is knowing yourself, understanding what these feelings mean and being resourced with skills to manage overwhelm and restore homeostasis.

If we navigate this road mindfully, we can find that middle ground. We can recognise what the body and mind require before it becomes overwhelming and if it does (which it will; life has a way of throwing us a curve ball sometimes), we can learn to be with the experience, not to resist it.

We move into narcissism when we over analyse; spend too much time wondering why we experience one feeling or another and endlessly talking about it. It’s a bit like googling every symptom you have and believing you are ill; the modern form of hypochondria and it’s boring for everyone around you. I know, I’ve been there! And you might too if you’ve been mentally unwell. It’s part of the natural process of getting to know yourself again. The important thing is recognising when to back off and return to the middle ground.

The beauty of being self aware is in the wisdom of the body. When you stay present to your experience, the body will guide you. When I get on my mat, I let my body and my energy guide me to where it needs to go. With support, time and practice, you can too. It’s an amazing place to be and very rewarding too!

How stress gets in the way of peri-menopause

At the risk of repeating myself… This is so important!

When we are adjusting to the hormone changes in our body, stress becomes more of a burden than we realise. Why? Because the adrenal glands are responsible for secreting stress hormones. But they are also responsible for mimicking oestrogen by creating oestrone. So while the adrenals are busy trying to maintain homeostasis for our endocrine system, they cannot cope with stress.

Have you noticed that if you get stressed, you burn out more easily?

What can you do about it? Restorative Yoga! Seriously, it has the most astonishing effect on the body. By propping yourself in such a way that your body is supported; held safely and securely, your nervous system can relax.

If you were to practice a restorative pose every day, you would cope better with stress. Why not have a one to one to learn 3 poses to suit your lifestyle so that you can practice something every day?

Leading the Way with Compassion

During the pandemic, it has been women who have led the way. Of the countries that had the best outcomes, New Zealand’s prime minister Jacinda Ardern is an example to us all. Not only did she do an incredible job at the outset but she has demonstrated that it is possible to lead AND be compassionate.

‘Too much focus on power and strength means leaders can lose sight of the need for kindness and empathy’ says Ardem. She believes people need authenticity and I couldn’t agree more.

As a Yoga therapist it is my job to show compassion and empathy, to offer support with kindness and to be authentic. I don’t honestly know how to be anything other than authentic! BUT I’m not always good at showing myself the same compassion.

According the compassion expert Kristin Neff, studies show that individuals who are self-compassionate experience fewer negative states like depression, anxiety, stress, shame, and negative body image—and these same people are more happy in their life, are more optimistic, and have better physical health.

So what’s stopping us from having greater self compassion?

I do believe that we should give ourselves a break! We are always doing our best after all. We could delegate more, teach our kids to help out, stop expecting perfection and take regular time look after our needs rather than always putting others first.

One of the best things though is to reach out to other women. We can empathise with one another and are most likely to understand. Even if we can’t be in the same room, we can offer kind words, advice or wisdom.

If you need to talk things over, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me. We can go for a walk or have a conversation on Zoom. I’m here for you.

Stay well.

Anneliese

Lock-down Has Altered My Perception Of What's Important In Life

Every day I wake up and feel grateful for where I live.

When it became clear that our lives were going to change drastically, my main concern was financial. 2020 began disastrously with my husband losing a contract he had spent weeks tendering for. It meant that I was unable to network and tell people about my Relax Restore Revitalise programme that I’d just launched and which I felt was going to revolutionise my earning potential in this saturated yoga market. Instead, literally all my earnings had to go towards paying bills.

As a child I lived a very privileged life from a financial perspective. I didn’t want for anything. That’s not to say I was spoiled with toys and clothes - but as a family we had what we needed, we lived in large, very comfortable houses, we went on holidays and my siblings and I all attended private schools.

We weren’t so privileged on an emotional level, in fact childhood had many traumatic moments. Then at the age of 17 my mother and step father divorced. My mother moved to France a few years later, my sister was living in America and my brother in France. Both my real father and step father were estranged from me and I felt abandoned. It didn’t help that I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life.

My husband (at that time my boyfriend) was set on becoming an airline pilot but his dream was dashed when the Gulf war broke out in 1990 and the training he was due to attend with British Airways was cancelled. By the time airlines began recruiting again, he was ‘too old.’ Both of us were uncertain about our futures.

Financial security has not really been present in our lives very often, in fact our reason for living at the farm is because my husband was made redundant while I was pregnant with my son and we were forced to sell our home in Shropshire and move in with his parents.

We realised that we were never going to be able to buy a house in Sussex so were extremely grateful when my husband’s parents decided to gift the farm to their 4 children, leaving us half the farm house which had to be divided and our half extended which cost us financially and emotionally (always difficult with family).

All this background is so that you understand why I am so insecure about money and why when we were first put into lock-down, I was stricken with panic.

But living this slow pace of life has enabled me to rest. In fact I took two weeks to switch off from work which gave me the opportunity to see where I could take my business. I had lost sight of where I was heading because I was totally obsessed with earning money to get through each month and eventually pay off the mortgage.

During lock-down we have got on top of so many jobs in the garden that needed doing which is incredibly satisfying. The studio has temporarily become an exercise room and green house until recently when we re-erected our old greenhouse and dug a large vegetable patch.

I spend hours each week planning menus. I am the designated shopper which I now do at 6 a.m once a week which doesn’t cause stress. I cook most of the meals and as such have not wasted any food!

Before lock-down I had been part of a women’s group who met on a monthly basis in a woodland to spend time in nature and connect to her wisdom. I have continued to be in nature and have relished the opportunity to take in my surroundings. I have listened to nightingales, spotted a common lizard, seen a huge slow worm, watched a variety of birds and love hearing the much more audible hum of insects.

I am enjoying a more physical exercise routine with Yoga playing its part afterwards to stretch my muscles and bring me into the present moment.

I love having my family together and playing the supportive roles of mother and wife. I relish that my extended family are meeting on Zoom and speaking more than we ever did before!

I have realised that what is important in my life is not money. It is family. It is love. It is nature. It is being there for others. It is being present.

May I be reminded of this wisdom frequently because what is important to me is living a healthy, wholesome, non materialistic life where I take only what I need and give back what I can in return. One where I accept that I have more than enough because I live in a beautiful house, in a beautiful part of the country, where I am surrounded by nature which nourishes me. It is a life where I put family first and work second because we’re should work to live, not live to work.