A Day in the Life of a Woman with ADHD

I only learned about ADHD when ‘slow processing’ was suggested as the cause of my son’s difficulties at college. I began to look into the condition and grief set in for the child I had been. ‘This is me,’ I realised. ‘This is my life, this is why I struggled so much at school’ - not only with learning because I too had slow processing and an absolutely dreadful memory, but also with poor time keeping and organisation. I failed tests and exams because I would misinterpret the question or fail to memorise the answers. ‘This is why I have failed in education’ - let’s see: I got an E in Art; my only A’ level, I dropped out of fashion design, nutritional therapy and medical herbalism. ‘This is why I have failed careers’ - secretarial work (that was boring anyway), being a chef (way too stressful) and let’s face it, I don’t think you could describe me as a successful Yoga teacher! The list of why’s goes on and on. I am still on a path to learning all I can but I know, despite not yet having a diagnosis, that I have ADHD; I tick ALL the boxes.

The world isn’t set up for people like me. And while I am today, in the mood to laugh at myself, I am often in tears of frustration, low mood paralysed by pracrastination or needing to retreat from the world; I really struggle to be me at times. I mask who I really am much of the time; I’m not even sure who that is; I have so many personality types to suit who I’m with. But I thought that writing about a day in my life (while making myself feel vulnerable), might resonate with some of my readers and encourage others to be more understanding of those who struggle with the condition. I have written this straight from my brain, so it may sound muddled or confusing - that’s just me!

Waking up:
It’s 4, or 5, or 6 a.m. I am nowhere near ready to get out of bed. I am wide awake and yet still really tired. My slightly arthritic back is stiff and I can feel that staying in bed isn’t helping. So I place a pillow between my knees and using Ujjayi breathing, I move my pelvis this way and that until my back eases. Sometimes, this so relaxing that I fall asleep again, especially if I’ve had a bad night.

Getting up:
I go to the bathroom and wash. My husband tries to speak to me but I can neither respond nor speak. He’s trying to discuss politics! I have NO headspace for this. Be quiet! Go away! Leave me in peace. My brain is still so sleepy. There’s no chance of making sensible decisions:

• What should I wear?

• Should I go outside first (to get daylight into my pineal gland and help reset my circadian rhythm because surely this will help me sleep better? Pah)!

• I’ll put my mucky jeans on.

• No, I’ll do some Yoga first. I have to teach this morning.

• But I haven’t done a workout yet this week. I feel guilty. Maybe I should go to the gym. No, it’s too late for that.

• I’ll go for a walk.

I take too long on the walk, getting distracted by the beauty and serenity of nature. I am soothed by it but now I am in a rush.

Breakfast:
Is this a day for coffee? Real coffee or decaffeinated? If I have real coffee, I might stay awake tonight (and get verbal diarrhoea and possibly get hyper too). Decaf. I’m now cooking something when I don’t have the time. I’m eating 30 minutes before teaching. Darn it! I forgot to take my pills. (I am supposed to take digestive enzymes before breakfast). I’ll take them at lunchtime. Crikey, it’s 9.15 and my clients will be here soon.

In the bathroom:
Urgh, I look awful. I want to put makeup on. I do the basics. Hurry up! I need the loo. Hurry up! Your clients are arriving - I can hear the door opening.

Teaching:
I’m in my calm place. I win at this, (unless my sleep has been really bad and then I get my lefts and rights muddled up, or I just can’t find the words). I’ve forgotten that student’s name. She’s been coming for years, what’s her name? I feel ashamed and embarrassed. I have a hot flush. We’re meditating now. My mind’s all over the place. Racing with this thought or that. I want to look at my phone. I mustn’t. We’re meditating for goodness sake. Is everyone okay? No one’s looking troubled. Close my eyes and start again.

Class over:
What’s next? Shopping. Write a list. What do I need? I had loads of things in my head last night. I can’t think right now. Remember that washing that needs doing? Put it on. What was I doing before? Shopping! Where’s my phone? I must have left it upstairs. Nope. Did I go to the loo? No. I just remembered something I needed. Where’s my damn phone? 10 minutes later… it’s on top of the laundry basket! Right, shopping list. What was that thing I needed to put on the list? It’s gone. Let’s check the fridge. I’m staring into space. Completely blank. Suddenly aware that I’ve glazed over. What was I doing? Shopping. Check the cupboards. I’d really like a cup of tea. Kettle’s boiling. Get the shopping bags. Well done. Shall I put the tea in a flask and take it with me? Where’s the flask? I swear I put it away last night. Where is it? Another 10 minutes later… it’s still in my gym bag! I hate shopping. I really don’t feel like going today. Do I have to go? Could I put it off until tomorrow? I’d much rather do something creative. Nah, let’s not go shopping.

Have you noticed that I’ve changed the format? I was using bullet points and now I’m writing long sentences. I could remedy that. The perfectionist in me really wants to but I know it’ll take me ages and for the sake of demonstrating what it’s like to be in my head, I won’t. But it’s really niggling at me. It feels unprofessional.

Lunch time:
What can I make for lunch? Stare into the fridge. No leftovers. Oh, I know, I’ll make… Eating. Damn it! I forgot my digestive enzymes again. Double damn it, these vegetables were meant for supper. What am I going to make for supper now? Ohhh, I should have gone shopping! Now I’m overwhelmed. Exhausted. I’ll just watch an episode of… I’m concerned you’re judging me reader; thinking how lucky I am to have so little to think about or do. Believe me, I don’t feel good about this. I feel embarrassed at how unsuccessful I am, ashamed at how little I earn. I have very little sense of purpose and it gets me down.

Later that day… Bedtime:
I am falling asleep at 9.30. I know to slow down an hour or so before bed. I dim the lights to help my circadian rhythm and I shouldn’t have a screen on. But this show is so good. I’ll just watch another episode. My head is nodding. Brush my teeth. Wash my face. In bed. I’m wide awake now. I’ll try focusing on my breath. Nope, not working. I’ll do a body scan. Focus your attention on your left big toe… zzz. Awake. What time is it? It must be morning, I’m wide awake. It’s midnight. Start again. Listen to a story… zzz. I hear a noise. I’m awake again. I need a pee. It must be morning. It is, it’s 2.30, 3.30 or if I’m lucky 4.30. Listen to a story. It’s not helping. My back’s aching. Toss and turn. 6.30 My husband gets up. It’s too early. I’m so tired. I’m really stiff. I REALLY need a pee. I drag myself out of bed. Don’t speak to me. Arghhh!

At post menopause every symptom of ADHD has been magnified especially Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD). The bad day I described above can be a lot worse. I can procrastinate to the point where I achieve absolutely nothing. I comfort eat in the evenings and then feel bad about it because my stomach is bloated. I can be very cruel to myself. I’ve just finished a floristry course (another course? I love a course. I hear the judgement) but I’m holding myself back from setting up in business because I’m scared of rejection. I’m not good enough. I hate getting feedback. I am unable to regulate my emotions especially if I’m triggered by a comment. I explode and cry or I freeze and retreat. I feel ashamed and foolish.

I know I should promote my business on social media. I should share all the knowledge that I can’t remember at this precise moment. But I don’t want to show up. I feel a fraud. But I need to tell people how I can help them. I need to explain why I am the Yoga teacher they should work with. I need them to know that I am the best at what I do, that I will have their back, that I will transform their mental and physical health. But I can’t, I’m no good. Put someone in front of me and I will know precisely what they need; I will give them what they need. But I don’t know what to say in a social post. I can’t think what to say. Which photo would I use? I should sort my photos out. I should stop bloody ‘shoulding’ all over the place! Why is should spelt with an L?

I am frozen. Stuck in a pit of shame and guilt and remorse and grief that I could have done so much better, I could have been so much better if only I’d known about ADHD when I was young. I’m 55. What do I have to show for it? What the hell am I going to do for the rest of my life? How on earth am I going to survive? Who can help me? No one. No one can help you. You haven’t got any friends. Your family don’t care about you. Who would want to bother? You’re too negative, you interrupt all the time, you’re too much. There must be someone I can call on. Who can I call? No one. Feel the shame. Feel the guilt. Feel the remorse. Sit with the grief and the loneliness. Get on your Yoga mat and feel all the horrible, shameful emotions you are going through.

Are you kidding? Why would I want to do that?

Sometimes I really can’t do that. But sometimes I do that. I need to be present. I need to be self compassionate more than anything. And so I breathe. And I move. And I do the strong stuff because it brings me into my body, makes me grounded helps me to feel strong on the outside as well as the inside. Right now, it is hard for me to be introspective which is much better for my brain and nervous system. At the time of writing, my life feels topsy turvey. I have a husband who, two years after a serious motor bike accident, still has broken bones because he too has ADHD (full disclosure, we are both undiagnosed but you know what you know). He uses smoking and sugar to soothe his nervous system. Smoking blocks the bone building receptors and sugar causes inflammation. I don’t understand it. I do, at least, practice self care to a greater degree than it may sound here.

I am furious! I want to not care. But I am caring. I do care. I carry all of his pain, his resistance, his lack of will. I am holding a lot, carrying a lot and all this is not helping my ADHD.

I don’t know if I really want to share this post. I don’t want people to pity me, or reject me for oversharing. I want people to understand. People close to me don’t understand. No one’s ever understood. I don’t even understand! I’m overwhelmed. Exhausted. I might delete the post. I need a rest.

I have been working on this post for 8 days. It took 5 hours to write initially and it has subsequently undergone a number of edits. Such is the life of a woman with ADHD. Sigh. I need to go out in nature now.

If you want to understand more about ADHD; what it is and how it affects various brain structures, read this article.

https://www.birchwoodyoga.co.uk/blog/2026/2/24/adhd-explained

Brain Fog - Yoga can help.

If you are finding that you’re forgetting the names of people you know, why you went into a room, what you were talking about mid sentence, if you’re unable to find a word, feeling empty headed or confused, you are not alone. Brain fog effects many women during peri-menopause and menopause but for most, it will pass.

I recently attended an educational workshop on menopause with functional medicine practitioner, Tanya Borowski who is exceptionally knowledgeable. I am also reading a book called Hormone Repair Manual by Lara Briden. These two sources suggest ideas that may help you keep your brain healthy:

Oestrogen therapy. To really benefit, we would be better starting it 5 years before our final period or at menopause at the latest. If the average age of menopause is 51, the best time to start is 46. Neuroscientist Roberta Diaz Brinton suggests in Briden’s book, that taken after menopause, oestrogen therapy may actually contribute to dementia, however more research is needed.

Progesterone is also important for brain health. It supports GABA receptors in the brain. GABA is a mood enhancing neurotransmitter. Together oestrogen and progesterone support many brain functions, including the hippocampus (the memory centre) so it is worth discussing a combination of hormones with your health practitioner when considering HRT.

Diet and lifestyle. Tanya Borowski, says we cannot simply replace hormones without adapting our lifestyle. Both Briden and Borowski recommend that you:

• Reverse insulin resistance (with a Ketone diet).

• Soothe your nervous system.

• Develop healthy sleep habits.

• Minimise alcohol and drink more water.

• Engage in movement of any kind but strength training in particular.

• Take supplements - in particular magnesium and taurine, B12, choline and MCT oil.

The good news from the perspective of Yoga and Mindfulness is that many of the practices we engage in at Birchwood Yoga support brain function. GABA receptors are usually supported by progesterone so when this hormone is lost, we experience raised levels of anxiety and stress. Research by Chris Streeter et al, shows that GABA is released when we practice Yoga. GABA helps promote relaxation and reduces stress, anxiety and even symptoms of PMS according to Lisa Mosconi, author of The XX Brain. Meditation improves brain structure and function and the pace of Slow Mindful Yoga helps build physical strength and mental resilience. In combination with the breathing practices and long savasanas your nervous system gets soothed. Win, win!

An exercise in adaptability.

Our ability to adapt to different situations depends very much on the individual. Some of us have a sensitive nervous system that requires nurturing. Others are more robust. The condition of our nervous system is determined to a degree by how stressed our mother was when we were in vitro but is also down to the amount of trauma and stress we have experienced in our life.

When we encounter a stressor, every system in our body responds. In order to return to a state of equilibrium (homeostasis), the nervous and endocrine systems have to adapt. We can help our internal recovery along by building mental strength and flexibility. Having a better understanding of ourselves promotes adaptability.

Write a list of circumstances which make you feel uncomfortable such as confrontation, being in a crowded space, driving on the motorway, meeting new people etc... Nothing triggering. As you write each one down, pause and notice how you feel in your body. What are the sensations? Where are they felt? Notice and be curious. Try not to analyse or push them away.

Now visualise the same scenarios differently:

• Breathe deep down into your belly.

• See yourself with your shoulders rolled back, your chest open and your head straight.

• Clench your fists gently. Does that help you to feel more powerful? If it fuels anger, instead of pushing it away, notice where you feel it and how?

• Feel your feet on the ground and ‘root’ down.

• What other physical posture could you take?

• Make a positive affirmation such as, ‘I can do this’, or ‘I’ve got this.’

Write down how you feel. Check in with your mind, body and breath. You may find it helpful to practice this visualisation before every situation with which you are uncomfortable.

Low level stress actually helps us to adapt. Each time we cope with an uncomfortable situation, we feel empowered and become more resilient physiologically and mentally. To strengthen your ability to adapt:

• Step out of your comfort zone regularly.

• Notice, change and notice the change.

• Remember that thoughts are not facts.

• Never base your present fears on past experience; no two situations are the same.

• Be prepared to bend your own rules be more flexible; your way isn’t the only way.

• Acceptance empowers you.

• Do not allow failure to stop you. We learn from our mistakes.

Here are some other tools which you may find helpful:

• Slow down - taking life at a slower pace allows us be aware of our experience and to recuperate from the challenges.

• Keep a journal - writing down our feelings helps put things into perspective.

• Practice gratitude - the brain has a negativity bias so force yourself to recollect the positives.

• Spend time in nature regularly; it is proven to calm and ground us.

If you feel you need some support on your journey, I’m here to help. Why not book a Clarity Call and we can chat confidentially about how to take you forwards.

Can you be too self aware?

One of the best things about Yoga is becoming more self aware. But is it possible to become too self aware? Self awareness can sometimes be perceived as narcissism. I think there are levels of self awareness, with disassociation at one end and narcissism at the other. In the middle is a healthy balance. So how do you get there?

Disassociation is common when you have spent your life trying to avoid painful feelings; likely from a traumatic experience or chronic stress. The brain’s way of protecting you from the pain is to keep the body in freeze mode and prevent you from feeling. To move beyond this may require talking therapy but at some point we need to connect with the physical feelings in the body. The process can be slow and disquieting but with safety measures in place, the end result is knowing yourself, understanding what these feelings mean and being resourced with skills to manage overwhelm and restore homeostasis.

If we navigate this road mindfully, we can find that middle ground. We can recognise what the body and mind require before it becomes overwhelming and if it does (which it will; life has a way of throwing us a curve ball sometimes), we can learn to be with the experience, not to resist it.

We move into narcissism when we over analyse; spend too much time wondering why we experience one feeling or another and endlessly talking about it. It’s a bit like googling every symptom you have and believing you are ill; the modern form of hypochondria and it’s boring for everyone around you. I know, I’ve been there! And you might too if you’ve been mentally unwell. It’s part of the natural process of getting to know yourself again. The important thing is recognising when to back off and return to the middle ground.

The beauty of being self aware is in the wisdom of the body. When you stay present to your experience, the body will guide you. When I get on my mat, I let my body and my energy guide me to where it needs to go. With support, time and practice, you can too. It’s an amazing place to be and very rewarding too!

Stress - Begin Where You Are.

It only has to take one event to trigger a complete change in your breathing habit. You might always have breathed in your belly (although you were probably not aware of this), then one day you were traumatised by a major stressor. This could be anything that put you into an immediate stress response, from a traumatic event to being yelled at. How your body responds is what is important here.

Commonly with the stress response, your breath shifts from belly to chest. You want to pull air into your lungs so that oxygen can be sent to your heart rapidly, enabling you to fight or flee from the threat. In a healthy system, once the threat is over, the stress response is switched off and breathing returns to the belly.

In modern society where we are constantly under threat on a psychological and physiological basis, the stress response can be triggered again and again in a single day. So what happens? The breath gets stuck in your chest and whether you feel stressed or not, your body thinks you are and keeps you in the stress response.

With so much threat around us, how do we know that we are stuck in the stress response? There are too many signs to list, but here are some things to look out for:

• Being easily startled.

• Constant doing - restlessness.

• Eyes darting around.

• Constant chatter.

• Rushing.

• Low pain tolerance.

• Consistent tension in the back of the skull, jaw, neck or shoulders.

• Feeling regularly overwhelmed.

• Sensory overload - sensitivity to light and sound in particular.

• Over-thinking and spending too much time in the head.

• Consistent chest breathing and pulling of the breath.

• Mouth breathing.

• Difficulty with concentration and focus.

• Listlessness, exhaustion or fatigue.

Sound familiar? Whatever you do, DON’T carry on as you are! Stress is not your friend. The stress hormones that are constantly rampaging around your body can do serious damage to your health. Now is the time to implement self care.

If you find that your mind is busy, busy, busy, you might need to begin with movement. A simple routine like the cat sequence I frequently teach can be a good place to begin. Don’t worry about the breathing but do notice the contact your body has with the floor.

If you are overwhelmed, begin at your feet. Notice them, feel them on the ground and if that is difficult, massage them so that you really feel the sensations in your feet. Squeezing the arms and legs can be useful if you feel disconnected from yourself.

If you can cope with stillness, concentrate on your breath. Sound is the easiest way of making the shift from chest breathing to belly breathing. It doesn’t matter what it is but you could try, sss, fff, ahh, brr. Sound that can loosen a tense jaw is brilliant!

Practice breathing through your nose as often as possible. It took a single event to alter your breath; it is possible to change it back within 24 hours. It just takes practice. Mouth breathing or shallow breathing reduces the amount of Carbon Dioxide (CO2) you take in. CO2 is necessary for vaso-dilation (dilating your blood vessels) which allows for oxygen uptake. Without this, blood vessels constrict which means the flow of blood is slowed leading to potential complications. Red blood cells hang on to oxygen when CO2 is low, therefore the body’s cells are not receiving enough oxygen to thrive.

If after reading this you start to panic, STOP! This is life and you are not alone. Stuff gets in the way of self care. But now you understand the importance of taking time for yourself and addressing the issue, begin where you are.

If you need support on your journey, do get in touch.